Gorillabuns

ugly people

Have you watched this television show?

This show is Fan-f**cking-tastic!

Not sure why I feel like I need to all of a sudden censor my language but let's just say I'm trying. At least for every 5th sentence.

While this teacher, Abby, reminds me of my Russian trained ballet teacher of which a barking noise would escape her pursed lips when your leg was dangling about in a non perfect stance,  I find the mothers far more offensive. Their cattiness, self-absorption and lack of humility struck a cord with me and quite a few I know.

These women remind me of high school and sadly quite a few women who are stationed at my kids school.

Do you have these awesome role models scattered about in your life? If so, please tell me you dream of "accidentally" hitting these people with your car at car pool. at top speed.

Come on! You know you think about doing it!

 

the metal of it all

 

The other evening the family and I were dining together on a Saturday night.  Instead of painting the town red, we were painting the town blah with Chinese food.  Over the muzac blow horn, a tune started to waft through my fuzzy head.  I started to perk up, sit straight in my seat and sway to a delightful tune.

Okay, so "Cherry Pie," isn't the most delightful tune ever but the song got me to humming and reminiscing back to a time of yore.  I'm sure you know all about my love of heavy metal back in the day but I'm not sure if you knew that outreaching limits I loved. Warrant was one of my outer limits of obsession. So much so, I dated a dude who I swore looked like the lead singer except my dude had brown hair, was shorter and well, he lived in Oklahoma. I'm sure his dick-like attitude matched Janie Lane's though. Pretty much a musician's demeanor, no?

I obsessed more and more that evening. I ended up listening to every Warrant song ever made.  Took allergy medicine, watched more shitty videos with swinging hair and decided since I was high as a kite, I should tape myself discussing, well.... nothing.

Untitled from gorillabuns on Vimeo.

Yes, you can call me "mush-mouth," thank you very much.

 

 

 The next morning, this damn video was playing over and over and over again!

 

 

 

 

I think I'm over this obsession now.

ultimate tantrum

You want to know what one of my greatest fears would be concerning my children?

Other than finding them dead in a bed? 

Check! Umm....done that one....

Let's move on.... 

Having a child who feels there is nothing left in this life to live for or not even up to faking it for shits and giggles sake. A feeling that they are not loved enough, cherished enough, understood enough, wanted. enough. even if they are. 

This scenario truly scares me. One can be ever vigilant. Send their kid to the best schools, pay the up most attention to their kid. Give them everything they could want and then some along with showering them with a spotlight hovering their every waking moment and breath and yet this kid could still take their own life in a moment of irrational and hopeless thought.

This past week a 14-year-old from my girl's school, took his life with a shot gun. to stick it to the man or his mother. Because he was grounded. Because he was pissed. 

Another child who was also a member of our church and was 17-years-old took his life yesterday. Again with a shot gun.

Why?

Did he along with the other kid think of what it would truly be like to find their bodies like this? I mean I've always worried about dying because of the shitting my pants factor but seriously, these kids have clearly not thought this business through.

Now. At the age of 7 and 8, I've had to explain suicide to my girls. Because life hasn't been odd enough for them, this other form of death has reared it's funky head in their rear-view mirrors.

While these suicides are not shocking to me personally as I have known quite a few who have actually followed through with the deed along with that one train-wreck who "threatened to" but didn't this past year; I have found myself becoming quite jaded and callous to this very stupid idea.

The idea of offing yourself is so chicken shit and well, easy. Easy for you. Hard for everyone else but easy because you totally copped out of having to deal with life and it's emotions.  It's so easy because you didn't have to clean up your own fucking pig- pen- of- a- mess. You left it for everyone else to deal with and figure out. 

And yes, I'm not empathetic as I have had to go on and live for others. Not giving up because it's a "sin." Not offing-myself because it would be too rude to do so.

Because I would never want to leave that kind of messed up legacy for my children and family to have to deal with. 

Now... if my girls were to ever dare to do so after all of the education, threats, examples and pleading; I will totally bring their stupid asses back from the dead and kick their butts.

In the end. as a parent. I know. I would NOT ever get over this situation. I think it would be the end for me as well. Just how do you come back from this? I ask because I have come back from death at a totally different angle.  An angle I'm familiar with but this slant? I simply don't think I could/would ever be able to do so.