if you don't live in the midwest then you may have not heard, we had an ice storm that lasted, i can't count that high, amount of days. people ice storm! don't you know these crazy backwards assed okies don't know how to drive in no ice! threats of power outages and water rationing hung over our heads at ever turn so, being the ever responsible parent, i made sure to stock up on a couple of bottles of vodka, 4 bags of chips, 2 packages of bacon, soup, bread and cigarettes. unfortunately, the whole family went through the rations in one day and my husband was forced to slip and slide down the street for 3 more bottles of vodka, 6 more packs of cigarettes, a 24 pack of red bull, a bucket of fried chicken, a new dvd player and a movie. i think we will survive another day.
with being cooped up like inhumane chickens in wire cages, we have had A LOT of togetherness going on in the gorillabuns household. i think i have gained 5lbs from eating to stay warm, the girls have watched every princess movie ever made, and not one toilet was mercifully cleaned. this reflective time has also brought about thoughts of how the hell did the pioneers survive being cold and bored without fleece, dvr and dvd's? why does whacked out paula abdul clap like a platypus? why do starlets wear white dresses to awards shows that will undoubtedly include a camera in the mix? why does fried chicken taste so damn good but makes my blood pressure rise and leak through into my eardrums while pulsating with the mesmerizing target commercials on t.v? will the powers that be ever bring back temptation island? and how long can a child go without taking a bath without social services being contacted so their lazy-assed mother doesn't have to do more laundry? yeah, i'm sooo deep like that.
on another note, i almost bitch-slapped a grandmother in a local play area this week. we all know i'm so street.... she failed to watch her grandson repeatedly plow down children while climbing up a slide with 30 kids flying down in mass destruction. in other words, she called me out! after repeated attempts to calm the chaos he ensued, the pinched face hag embarrassingly yelled, "he has a grandmother watching him, thank you!" my response was a laugh that was quite loud and a shrill gossip session with the other two mothers i had accompanied. yeah, i was kinda scared. scared that her burger king slaving daughter was going to be summoned and follow me down to the local food court, demanding an apology for the audacity of requesting polite behavior. sometimes it's just not worth taking a shower and rubbing elbows with crappy-assed people.
speaking of taking a shower, i was shopping with a friend in a banana republic store after dining on fattening salads at another mall three days later. i spied an attractive woman with great shoes and immediately realized this woman was a fellow blogger. after trapping her like a deer in blinding headlights, i sheepishly asked if she had a blog. being the ever gracious person, she admitted such and conversed with my baggy sweat panted ass. i really couldn't concentrate on the conversation at hand because i was too busy admonishing the fact i so looked like a lazy sloth while promising myself i will never leave the house again in such mom-like attire again. turns out she knew my friend and i was left wondering why the hell i blindsided her with my stalking tendencies. moral of the story, never stop blogalebrities (is there such a word?) when you look like total shit. even in oklahoma.
end. of. story.