Gorillabuns

restless

usually around this time of year, i become restless. restless for change; restless for crazy no-holds bar excitement. plans, lists and goals start to crowd a forgotten and dusty notebook. a notebook held together by silver paint penned poetry from my freshman year of college, crappy pop-art outlined and shaded with stolen copy shop highlighters from my youth; wrapped up with a tiny bow of heartbreak and desires unattained. i wonder if i should throw away this book but when looking back throughout the scattered years notes, i realize i have traveled further than i ever thought possible. okay, so i've yet to discover europe and i doubt i'll ever see 120lbs again but i have accomplished something far more fulfilling than fantasy trips or images on a page; i've created a family of which i'm proud and thankful to have. a goal i never thought possible during many of my not-so bright episodes of life. the only goal i was ever determined to strive for and hit at 120% accuracy. the other goals of materialism, fallacy and home-spun creations seem so insignificant during this moment of life.

retrospectively and introspectively, i'm more complete than i have given myself credit of being. while we may not live in a mansion, have the best shit that money can buy, have the adoration of faceless millions; i'm happy with my life, my family and myself. now don't get me wrong, i totally wouldn't mind an ego stroke or two, a new car for rich, the ability to have a family member donate money as to not worry how to pay this months mortgage and kid's drugs but in the end, i'm happy to settle with ringing in the new year with my husband, my sweet girls and loving friends.

upon ringing in a new year, i wish for you, your loved ones and the gorillabuns home: the ability to say thanks, love more, cry less,  stress-free bill paying, appreciation for small wonders, more hugging, less resentment, laundry fairies, passion, finding lost cherishment and losing and abandoning lost causes. did i mention love? let me reiterate; LOVE in hearts, spades, diamonds and green clovers.

here's to a better everything year.

warning

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder." Right? Fonder. hmmm.... I'm not a "fonder" kind of person. I'm more an "out of sight, out of mind" kind of gal myself.  You know, if I don't see you; you therefore don't exist. I seem to handle life with this self-coping mechanism of sorts.

This mantra has led to many feelings of apathy and disgust towards blogging, my blog, so-called friends, housework and balancing my checkbook. A crippling feeling I'm trying to work on. One I don't think I'll be able to kick without a few nightly cocktails as a prescription to calm the pissed-off, restless beast.

In short, I'm at a major crossroads with many of the aforementioned issues.

But really; who cares, right? You came here to be entertained by totally fluffy bullshit, mundane offerings, and self-aggrandizing touts, right?

Don't worry, I'll do my best tap dancing routine to keep you "pleasantly entertained."

Eventually.

***Nothing screams Christmas!!! more than a "WARNING: I Fuck Back" patch picked up at a Dirty Santa Party.***

Hairy Angel Christmas

The Hairy Angels of Gorillabuns wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas (or whatever you celebrate) complete with all that your heart desires. Are you dreaming of a special doll that pees when compressed and screams "Momma, Momma!" during the wee hours of the morn? Or perhaps you desire a decapitated Barbie head to try out your newest hairdo and Sharpie marker make-up skills on.  Me? I'm dreaming of an envelope lovingly tucked in the center of my tree; filled with love, peace, happiness and a chunk of Benjamins. I dream the same for you!

You might save some money this holiday season if you look for Christmas coupons online before you go shopping. Lots of sites offer coupon codes so if you take a little while to look between retailer coupons you might come away with the best deal that's possible.

3

at exactly 12:44pm, december 16, 2004, moira raised her hand to be quietly excused from my cocoon. the hand waving was more of a sign to everyone in the o.r. - i'm here and i'm ready to get this life started! AND.... FOR. THE. LOVE. OF. GOD. PEOPLE! QUIT PLAYING CHRISTMAS MUSIC IN MY ROOM! IT'S MY BIRTH DAY, NOT CHRISTMAS!

sweet, sweet moira. the child who almost went home without a name because there didn't seem to be a name appropriate or suitable for your tiny, sweet self.

just moments after your birth, i can only imagine what you were thinking while overhearing the "discussion" of what to name you.  bronte, jillian, esme... you didn't look like any of these names upon arrival. 

for the record, i knew you would be my daughter one day. at age thirteen, i scribbled your name on a piece of paper after reading a book with the heroine's name beautifully written, moira. one day, i hope to find this book and give it to you to show you - i had been waiting for you for twenty-two years to come into my life.

sweet, sweet moira. i don't regret one minute of the prince concert that sparked your life into my body and i simply enjoy every minute of your existence. well, except for the hunt and find expeditions for rabbit poop you tend to leave when you refuse to use the toilet. you bring so much joy and peace into our family. i never thought it possible to love another child and i thought i would never have more love to give. then you came and without realizing it; my heart grew bigger and more complete. without your presence, we would truly be missing someone so beautiful and true.

thank you for choosing our family as your nest. your place to test your wings and grow. i love you my beautiful, little, three year-old baby bird.

crush, crush, baby

the wonderful sizzle reminded me the other day of her second annual blog crush outing. even with a reminder e-mail, i still couldn't seem to post my "crush" early enough today. while i'm technically not late, i'm technically procrastinating.

how do you choose just ONE "someone" you are "totally digging" without miffing others?  it's not like i'm hand-picking my team for a deadly game of kickball or selecting from the dreaded, horrific crop of designers for a group project on project runway.  in short, you probably didn't even know you were in the running for my "next top crush," because we all know, i suck on commenting and visiting everyone's little spot with any regularity.

while i would love to give more than one shout-out; a small part of me feels like i'm cheating both "crushes." kind of like sharing first place in a weaving contest and having to divide the almighty trophy. who takes the shiny piece of shit home with them and when? does a) take it only on weekends with b) sharing every other wednesday night sleepovers? really, i'm not so sure anyone cares who i can't wait to read during my 2am drink-a-thons, least of all the unassuming semi-finalists.

hopefully, you can see/feel my dilemma while i further prove my unholy procrastination at it's finest and my super knack to construct long, run-on phrases that basically, say nothing. nothing at all.

anyway, i chose to go with one finalist. a newer delicacy that should be enjoyed when served raw and ungarnished.

one80three60

she had me at HELLO! with the name of her blog and made me weep with joy with her music and movie choices.  besides, anyone that can admit she may or may not have been under the influence of heavy cocktails while commenting on other people's sites in the wee early hours, deserves my adoration and respect. 

alcohol aside, she's intelligent, funny and a damn good artist. all the things i aspire to be in my next life. sadly, i really don't do her justice in the "why you should TOTALLY read her, she's rad, man" department other than, i'd totally pick her first for my design challenge and i'd gladly give her the first place trophy in the all-state weaving competition.