i'm smart enough - no, wait.....

i consider myself to be a pretty smart chick. well, at the very least smart enough. to get by. i know a whole lotta shit about absolutely nothing and i would give you a run for your money on old school music trivia (don't even think about commenting about most of the craptastic post before the end; because i might have to kill you. and i don't have enough gas money to come and find you - to do the deed) but not enough to be a true expert in any given subject. yes, i've been tested, tested some more and then re-tested (say what?) let's just say; i wasn't a candidate to ride the short bus - just the plain, regular boring bus with all the average-kiddos.

i survive - just barely.

except when it comes to being a parent. when teaching and modeling/molding shoots itself into the equation, i am so inept. like, VERY inept. like, you are going to flunk life - inept.

fast forward...wait...no...rewind....30-something years ago......

my 28'ish mother sitting on the bed with a set of stiff multiplication cards in hand; drilling my stupid ass multiplication tables over and over and OVER AND OVER.....i remember this one day like it was yesterday, she was wearing a sweet tan jumper with a shiny polyester, bronze, tied blouse underneath. imagine this sweet woman with the patience of well...i don't know who....me? screaming; "we just went over this! 3 X 3 is 9! (i say this as i check the correct calculations with my handy dandy calculator) for the love of god! why aren't you getting this? are you even paying attention?"  i proceed to cry and freeze-up because we are dealing with numbers and i don't do numbers.

as you can see from my mom's reaction, i come from a long line of impatient teachers - throwing up their arms in air while screaming, "what the hell am i going to do with you? are you going to succeed in life or are you going to ride the pole to idiom?" not that we would EVER say this to our kids; we just think it - silently.

now fast forward to today. me sitting patiently (or what i think is patient) with my oldest. perusing the year in review. A-F; 1-10. her name. simple shit. while reviewing the basics, she looks at me like i've been reciting a complex set of verbs in latin complete with trying to demonstrate the first few letters of the alphabet in russian.

"what's that?"

"what do you mean what's that?"

"i don't know what you are writing in that red pen!"

well, at least you are getting the color red part right.

"i'm writing an A FOR GOD'S SAKES!!!  and 1 COMES BEFORE 2!"

"i simply don't know what you mean."

"well, you know what i mean when i'm counting to five when you are in trouble! you mean to tell me you can't count to five?"

"uumm... no."

me? grinding my teeth. wondering where we are failing here. how am i going to afford the "special" tutoring she's obviously going to need in the not-so-near future.

"you mean to tell me you don't know how to count to 10? or your abc's?"

"no?"

"for god's sakes! i was almost reading at your age! you don't know how to count to 10?"

i sit in my uncomfortable seat for what seems a span of five minutes. realizing - i'm not sure which is worse - her in an expensive private pre-k program learning absolutely nothing or me home-schooling them teaching absolutely nothing.

i go with me. homeschooling. at least i can say it wasn't all my fault when she's 16 and can't read. or can't count to 20. or tie her shoes. it was the school's fault.

i'll take responsibility for the attitude and anxiety issues she'll have from the end result.

anyone have any suggestions? on teaching - not personality/anxiety problems.

Comments

[sizzle]

i always retained stuff better when the teacher made it fun. like putting post its with the letter that corresponds to the object. example: put a "t" on the Television. but before they use that thing, they have to say the letter. or learn math by counting out crackers or something. but what do i know? i'm just a new aunt!

[Karen]

OK, I'm probably crazy but...
Pretty much from the time my kids were teeny tiny babies I talked to them all the time about everything in the world around them. Everything had colors and numbers... look at the balloons! There's a RED balloon. There's ONE red balloon.

When they got older and were learning how to walk (especially on stairs), we would count stairs. Well, *I* would count stairs. Here we go, down the stairs! One... Two... Three... WOW! THREE STAIRS!

Your kids are a little bit older, but there's no reason that stuff like this can't work. Challenge them with silly things -- how many times can you jump up and down? How many times can you hop on one foot? How many stairs to our front porch? How many steps to get from the couch to the table?

My kids also loved magnets. Leapfrog has a ton of cute abc magnets toys/games that sing and say letters, etc. My oldest daughter just had plain old boring ABC magnets that did nothing but stick to the fridge, but she loved nothing more than being told to go and find the letter "B" or whatever. Seriously. I could keep her running back and forth from the fridge to me for well over an hour.

My youngest loves workbooks. Don't ask me why. She just loves them! Wal-Mart has a cute preschool one... I think it's just under $3. Blue cover... um, I could probably get the title for you if you want it.

I could probably come up with more ideas if you want them...

[kerrianne]

I really can't offer mommy advice (not being one), but I can say that some of my fondest and most concrete childhood memories are of the days and nights my grandmother spent reading to and with me. I ended up excelling at reading and reading comprehension, and I know it was because of her and the time we spent reading together. It made me more confident in the classroom, and thus, a better reader.

(Also: I suck at trivia. Unless it's trivia about Herman Melville or bad 80's songs.)

[lizgwiz]

Posts like this make me appreciate being a pet owner. I'm not expected to teach them much.

I come from a long line of teachers, but for the life of me, I don't know how they do it. I learn things really quickly, but I'm not good at explaining things to people who learn differently than I do. I get frustrated with them too easily. My mother was a reading teacher, and she read stories to us a LOT, but other than that, I'm not sure exactly how I knew how to read before I went to school. I just did. My sister and brother didn't really, though...so obviously just reading out loud to kids isn't a magic bullet.

I'm no help!

[Karen Sugarpants]

I taught Thomas to spell his name with a song - why not use some of your fave song tunes and change the words to counting, spelling and the like. Worked for us!
Best of luck!

[a madhouse wife]

I feel ya on this one! We were having some troubles with "interest" in school: being told doing letters was "boring," or "BOR-RING" and the like. my husband and i are lefties and our boy is right handed so we couldn't even really show him how to hold a pencil! thank goodness-something finally clicked and he's been doing a good job with his letters. (he's learned most of it at his daycare, btw, and while expensive, does not employ individuals who actually possess a BSE). my friend told me though that for letters, instead of saying, "this is a B" or whatever, say "this is a (make the letter's sound). It's supposed to help with reading. I wouldn't get too stressed though, because I think kids just have to be ready with certain concepts and they're not always ready when we think they are/should be.

[kim]

Don't ask me. I get frustrated at my not even 2 yr old niece because she can't say 'moon' right.

It's mooN, you little brat. Moo is what the cow says!

Good luck with that though. :)

[little miss mel]

dude, I have no idea. You are ahead of me on this one. Sounds extremely frustrating. Another joy of parenthood, huh? Yeah, bob.

[Heather from NC]

Hi. I'm a lurker and I rarely ever comment, but I actually have a legit 2 cents about this one that may ease your mind. I was a preschool teacher at an expensive private preschool for 10 years.

The 123's and ABC's are the easy stuff. What she needs to learn in preschool is how to sit still, wait her turn, walk in a line, blow her own nose, put on her coat, help clean up. If she is learning those skills and having fun, you and her school are on the right track.

On to the academic stuff...I cannot emphasize enough to make it fun and low pressure at this age. Grouping and sorting are serious math skills that can be done with M&M's, crackers, colored plastic bears...anything. As for letter recognition and writing...My students used to love Do-a-dots (like bingo stampers). I would make big letters with a sharpie and let them dot along the lines of the letters with stamper. I also had cookie cutters in the shape of the alphabet and they would try to make their name with playdough. Sometimes their motor skills and hand-eye coordination isn't there yet for writing. Great book for ABC's...I think it is called Chicka Chicka ABC...it is rhythmic and fun.