Gorillabuns

nothing

I'm going A.W.O.L. for awhile.

If I return, hopefully I won't face a court martial or worse yet, be dishonorably discharged.

We'll see.

never send a man to do a woman's job

This item,

purchased by a father for a sick child,

would make the baby Jesus weep. pellets.

If you want a brand new pair of womens shoes, whether slingbacks or wedding shoes, the net is a great place for you to check. Sometimes the best prices on Nina shoes can be found online.

you make my heart sing

This past Saturday evening with ten clips clumped in my hair, complete with a huge roller brush matted in the crown of my hair to complete an Amy Whinehouse do - Celia was at the helm of my fashion makeover.

The Fashionista spoke:

"Mommy, you look so pretty! Oh, so very pretty! BUT.... sometimes Mommy, you really don't look very pretty at all!"

Thanks, I really needed the compliment. Really. Did I mention I have a birthday coming up? You make me feel so youthful. Really.

Today while brushing Celia's teeth, I leaned in and smelled her neck (don't think me creepy. My kids have yet to develop the delicious puppy dog sweat glands) and exclaimed, "Oh, Celia! You smell yummy. Just like a sugary cupcake."

"Thanks Mommy, but you know, you don't smell so great."

Hmmm... Thanks. AGAIN!

What do you say? You're a little Bitch? Don't speak? Less is more? Don't say what you think?

No. You thank your lucky stars you aren't a vain person.

Then you take a shower, blow your hair out and put on a full set of make-up - because, 3.2575% of you is still a little vain.

love, exciting and new

Who are these two hot young lovers? and where can one go to find themselves one of those awesome crocheted sweaters that I SWEAR will totally be back in fashion quite soon? I'm not even going to touch on the fact - this dude's hair is quite NKOTB'ish. Oh, wait! This picture happens to be Rich and I on our first Valentines Day together.  Exactly 45 days into our burgeoning and tumultuous relationship. Exactly 17 years ago. Man, 17 years sounds like a mighty long time. Actually, we could have a child graduating from high school right now except for the small simple fact - I don't think we had done the dirty deed yet. What got into me to be such a good girl then? Poor Rich, he didn't even get lucky on the most over sensationalized holiday of the year.

Here's to everyone getting lucky in some sort of fashion this Valentines Day. May you not be stuck with the boring chick in the above pic.

activities one should or should not do on the weekend - when bored

As of late, weekends are kinda boring around here. Actually, we, presiding in the Gorillabuns household, are becoming stale, hermit-like beings. We lounge in our royal outfits; ringing our bells for the servants to come and serve us. Unfortunately, Rich doesn't seem to think we are a very amusing crew.

Let's recap, shall we?

Saturday morning began with an impromptu Princess Tea Party. Mr. brewed tea and baked purchased crumpets donuts for his adoring court:

Yes, there is real tea in my real tea cups. Me-thinks the princesses would have preferred chocolate milk instead. Finicky little princesses. An hour later, each and every donut had bite marks and finger prints imprinted on them. Sadly, the girls do not appreciate the fine delicacy of Krispy Kremes in all their lard-like glory.

In an effort to coax Ariel to crap her rabbit pellets into a toilet rather than her pristine panties, Rich read every book contained in our little humble abode to induce such delights. Including, a new issue of US Magazine.

The end result? Us = 0; Ariel = 5.

Bribery of a horse drawn carriage does not seem to insight any motivation for such frivolity.

 

When Rich opened the windows and shoved his arm out the back door, the King decreed, "Exercise must ensue!" I decided to opt out of this activity and pleaded this was a good time to clean the house - starting with our bedroom.

The girls wonder if the task of cleaning is actually going to be completed. I think they are smarter than their parents.

An hour and a half later, the bed was made and the children's DVD collection was organized - All the while catching up on "My Fair Brady," "Rock of Love, Part Deux," and "Celebrity Rehab (DAMN! I love this show!)"

Do I know how to make use of my time or what?

Speaking of making use of my time - Saturday evening, after a few cocktails while making sure the children were tucked safely in their beds, I came to the conclusion of two very important facts: One should not over-pluck their eyebrows and then commence to experimenting with new and exciting hairstyles on hair that sadly, needs to be cut and colored.

Christina Applegate, I'm not. And yes, time spent cleaning the kid's bathroom mirror would have been more productive.

Sunday proceeded with more of Saturday's fanfare. A day watching truly crap-tastic T.V. in a now, unmade bed. This time the channel of choice was Lifetime for Women.

During a slight snooze-fest, I heard a voice growling in the background on T.V. It quickly brought me back to reality.  Dude, I celebrated St. Patrick's Day with you when you were dating my sister-in-law; once upon a time. I thought of calling my sister-in-law to tell her this truly awful movie was on but thought better of it. Who needs to be reminded of past loves? Even if they were starring in movies with Monica.

The evening ended with my tearfully wishing I could contact the person who found my blog through the yahoo search: "How to get my husband to love me again." To say, what? I'm not sure. It'll get better?

While I don't think I've ever uttered these words in a post, I somehow, feel more comfortable if you found me through a search of, "Big Lips (Yea, I know we have them in spades around here)," "Gorillas wearing lipstick (WTF?)," "Carnie Wilson," and "Gastric Bypass (and no, I've never had one.")

That'll teach me to not be nosy and maybe, think about ways of spending my weekend in a more productive manner. Like ACTUALLY cleaning the house. There's always tomorrow, right?