operation de-whored

Have I shared with you, the oddity otherwise known as Moira's tongue?

Her tongue doesn't stick out any further than this.  I know it's strange and it kinda freaks me out at times but seriously, her tongue is literally tongue-tied and twisted to the bottom of her mouth. Sadly, I have a feeling action will be required on this issue this year because really, who wants to kiss a girl who's tongue doesn't move? at all.

For kicks, I'm going to throw in a picture of my girls after Ballet camp yesterday. Why? No reason, other than I want to and because I CAN! Honestly, I'm doing so to make me feel like a better Mother since I can go months without snapping one tiny moment of their lives. I know I suck. I suck majorly in this department. The guilt, THE GUILT! I can't handle it sometimes.

And now, I'm also going to share with you ONE drawer of my life in order to call myself out and get control of shit taking over my house and adding to the confusion in my non-peaceful household.

I'm on a quest to fill a bag of crap that is SERIOUSLY outdated, too small (pretty much everything), and unused. This project in progress has a name and it is called "Project de-Whored." You see, I come from a long line of hoarders where the only good thing that can come out of our craziness is, we have massive tax-deductions from donations, we can find a spare flashlight (or 20) in our purses and we have trends hanging in our closet that may or may not come back into style thirty years from now.

Exhibit A:

All this crap has been painstakingly shoved into one drawer with cries of salvation. "How do I fit all this shit in there," you ask? Very artfully.

So let's see,

How many slips does one really need? Does anyone EVEN wear slips anymore? Personally, I haven't worn a slip since 1997 and honestly, most of these are from that time.

I can hear my mother in my head saying, "but wait! what if you NEED a slip! You can't let these go to waste!" Reality sets in and I talk myself down from the ledge and realize,  I don't need 10 slips. I probably don't even need one good one.

Though, they sure look cute on these models.

These models may or probably have not been groomed prior to their photo session.

Next up: What to do with wedding presents never worn - eight years later. Something tells me I need to donate them as I will probably never be a small or medium again OR I could regift them....

What about this bustier I wore New Year's Eve 2000?You know the New Years where we were all supposed to die, anarchy was to ensue and computers were supposed to cease and desist? Oh, yeah, I remember this one. It was the one where I thought this was a great fashion choice along with a massive party complete with mini disco balls, an open bar and 50 of my closest and most drunk friends ruining my carpet, bathroom and bedroom. Good times, good times. Yep, I should probably be getting rid of this as well, unless....you want it?

Until next time, another drawer WILL be revealed, declassified and destroyed.

Comments

[Miss Kate]

I still have a slip. I wear it under a dress that is won exclusively for church. But seriously, I have two of those bustiers. One was for a "Moulin Rouge" (!!!) Halloween costume circa-a-long-time-ago, and one was just for... I don't know. Apparently because as a 23 year-old, I needed a bustier to keep a boyfriend's interest. I found them recently during packing for the new house, and I was stunned speechless by A) my bad taste, and B) my formerly tiny ribcage.

[TUWABVB]

"...because really, who wants to kiss a girl who's tongue doesn't move? at all."

I'm now cleaning Diet Pepsi off my nice flat screen monitor since I snarfed yet again while reading one of your entries!

And please, the woman does not exist who doesn't have things in her closet that she hopes to fit into one day. (And if she does, let's pin her down and force feed her Krispy Kremes).

[Angella]

I have two slips...that I never wear either. Your girls are absolutely ADORABLE.

[Rhi]

I worry about this slip thing ALL THE TIME. I feel like I need one. I don't like the feeling of your dress kind of going between your legs whilst walking. Also, I'm strange.

P.S. Those girls of yours? Stinkin' adorable.

[noble pig]

OMG I fianlly got rid of my 82,654 slips...why did we have so many? Yeah and those fancy bras can pretty much go to hell at this point too.

I remember the crazy 2000 New Years, my hubby had to stay at the hospital in case hospital equipment stopped working so he could care for patients. It was all so ridiculous.

[sizzle]

My sister and I used to dress up in slips when we were that age. It's slutty when adults were only slips as clothes but when kids do it, it's so cute. Sort of like when kids dance to Madonna's Like a Virgin it's cute but when adult women do, it's just sad.

[kris]

I wore a slip yesterday. No lie.

I'm so freaking old.

[punchlinewalking]

At least your underwear drawer contained things that were in decent shape! I just threw away about half a drawer full of bras with broken straps, underwear with holes, and hopelessly unmatched socks.

[andrea]

My Grandma had a whole chest full of slips and other negligee items that were our dress up clothes growing up. Now that I think back on it, perhaps it was a bit odd, but we certainly had fun wearing it when we went to visit her. We have pictures of all the cousins dressed up in the stuff, including the much sought after leopard print bra and matching garter, eeew!

[gorillabuns]

Punchline: Sadly, this wasn't even my underwear drawer.

[180/360]

I was wondering what your twitter meant this morning! I have to say- you should win the award of most interesting combination of topics; De-whoring, tied-tongues and young girls wearing slips!

I see that Celia's posing is much like Ava's 99% of the time. And unlike you, I actually need to buy a slip! :)

[a madhouse wife]

OK, thank you. I'm inspired now to go through my drawers. I tried the closet last week and could only take out a few items. How many shirts that wrap and tie around the waist does one need? I have 8. As for the drawers? T-shirts from high school! And probably 4 or 5 slips in varying colors and lengths. I wear skirts about four times a year.

I, too, come from a long line of hoarders (cuz I'm sure you can't already tell). It's a sickness, I tell you. A SICKNESS!

[flurrious]

I have a bunch of half-slips in a drawer somewhere because I feel if you're going to own the least sexy item of underwear ever made, you should own it in several colors. Once, a boyfriend watched me getting dressed and when I was at the bra and half-slip stage, he said, "you look nice. Like a model from the Sears catalog." Creep.

[Kia]

Wow. Your girls could have the most whore-ish, underwear-filled dress up box of all the kids in the hood! I think this would be totally fun if I were 5 or 6... ;)

[Jill - GlossyVeneer]

I worked in television news in 2000, so for New Year's Eve (all day and night) I got to sit at work and watch fireworks go off in other countries as we realized over and over the world wasn't ending.

Yeah, my mom drilled the slip thing into me, and now I don't even own a slip. Such a rebel.

I love the Crocs with the ballet apparel. So cute!

[ali]

haha. i love project de-whore! it's awesome!

ps. the tongue thing? my sister-in-law had that and they fixed it. not sure how...i think they snipped the underneath part a bit?

[shonda]

Does her tongue effect her speech? I only ask because we had to have our son's tongue snipped at a young age. It had extra skin beneath it and the doctor told us it would effect his speech if we didn't. Of course no parent wants their child to go through the pain of teasing, so we did it. It didn't effect his ability to nurse or anything like that, which is apparently common according to the doctor who performed the procedure. We just did it because we knew it would be easier to do at 9 months than 3 or 4.

[lizgwiz]

When my grandmother was going into a nursing home, and we cleaned out her cedar chest, she had nylons saved from the pre-pantyhose days. She didn't want us to throw them out. "But what if I NEED them?"

[Josie]

I don't understand how she can talk if her tongue doesn't move????
And won't that be awfully painful to fix? Although...the whole "who wants to kiss agirl who's tongue doesn't move." is too funny...and true.

I have 2 drawers like that - full of crap I'll never use but find oddly comforting. You know, for the next nuclear war.

[eva]

1)Something tells me that your girls aren't really the tomboy kind.
2) I had a boyfriend with a tongue like Moira's...let's just say that if you DON'T want her to get/keep boyfriends leave her tongue the way it is:)

[gingermog]

I'm impressed with the commenter whose grandma had a leopard print bra. My great aunts had huge underwears. Seriously in the late 80's they still had these flannel knickers that ended just above their knees, safely hidden by their sensible tweed skirts. Yes, I'm British but I have no idea where they bought these knickers, possibly in old ladies mail catalouges delivered in brown paper packages? Ahem I think they would be morfied if they knew I just knew I was discussing their underwear on the internet. They are long gone now, but for two old ladies they rocked and I miss them still.

[LVGurl]

ACK! I'm blinded by the cuteness of those lovely girls, and am rendered unable to comment on anything on this post.

(And yeah, what was it with our mothers and the slips? Must have been some sort of chastity thing.)

(Sorry you may have to take action on Moira's little tongue issue :( )

[Amberly]

Yeah, I suck at taking pictures too. I usually just rely on Britt to take fabulous pictures of our family functions so I can jack them off her blog. I do, however, have 2 fabulous scrapbooks that look professionally done. Oh wait, Britt made those too (only I didn't have to steal them from her, she did it voluntarily and then gave them to me).

[bobby]

why did you stop wearing slips? did you get rid of all of them or did you keep any?