dysfunctional innards

Today, I visited yet, ANOTHER! doc about my infertility biz natch.

He doesn't want to help me due to my vast "maternal age." Personally, I don't want to visit doctor "smarmy" yet AGAIN due to his awful presence. and his so-called aggressiveness when in fact, he's so not aggressive with me. I so love being discounted and degraded with every visit. EVEN when I'm a cash pay victim.

I'm at the point where I'm just going to give up.

I'm done! Stick a fork in me and call me 'over-ripe!"

I'm..... yea, whatever.... 

The drugs have made me crazy....ier. Fat.....ter.  Psycho.....bitch....ier. HOT......TTTTEEEERRRR!!!

Truly? I think they (the demons of practice) drove me into the other side of menopause. EARLY!!!

All I have to say, if menopause is anything like this shit I've been experiencing?

You should then shove my ass into a big-ass, steaming, charcoal-loving pizza oven. Then throw my ashes mixed with pepperoni and Italian sausage remnants into a pine box from high school days (complete with high school corsages, football pennants and sappy love notes of unrequited love) and shove my shit over a mountain cliff. Preferably one that has magical powers of green clovers and blue diamonds. Someone then should pour a mixture of Vodka and Monster on this dry, dry, desolate earth as an homage to their homey to make sure the magical mixture of filth stirs up a majestic power for someone else quite deserving.

FOR the next infertile person to bath and languish in it's awesome magical holiness.

Something I'm without in this worldly life and body. Even if I think I feel so worthy in my unrealistic dreams.

 

 

 

Comments

[SUPAHMAMA]

BOOHISS! Just get an entire innard replacement. Umm... is there a list for that? Wait, no? Nevermind. Ripeness be damned, 70 year old women in INDIA are having babies. There's got to be a doctor out there for you somewhere. Don't give up.

[180360]

I know I shouldn't be laughing, but that last big paragraph... well, those are some pretty amazing visuals right there. I kind of want to photoshop that whole idea just to see how it will turn out. Love you, mama and I won't stop believing.

[Kate Bee]

My great grandma had twins at 44 and my grandma at 45. Advanced maternal age, my ass.

[a]

Looks like you're going to have to travel if you want a decent doctor...

But clearly all those hormones have activated the poetic portion of your brain!

[Tracie]

Oh honey, I'm so in your boat. I'm sorry.
I've offered before, and will again, if you need a little more guidance into the world of "advanced ART" let me know. Happy to help. (you can "share" an egg donor, splitting costs with another wanna-momma, embryo adoption, etc)
Clomid is the drug of the devil's worst enemy. It's odd that the 1st step in treating infertility is the most wicked flavor. The rest of them.... not that bad. (femera, injectibles like gonal, etc.) Don't believe me? I'm working on pregnancy #13 here. Either I'm dumber than shit (likely) or tenancious as hell. But I won't be stopped by the age of this body that's betrayed me.

Keep swimming, lady. If this is what you want, go for it. You're not THAT old, and the doctor that said so can suck it.
-T

[little miss mel]

Grrrr. So pissed at that guy. I mean, seriously!!!

I truly don't feel it's over. (I'm saying this from way over here, but I do!)

Hang in there sweety. You're doing everything you can and it will be enough someday.

Love to you all. :X

[Gamanda]

Have I ever mentioned that I hate people? No? Well, this doctor just validates my feelings. Douchenozzle.
Let's not go pouring out any vodka and Monster until we're able to share one!

[Dana]

These days, advanced maternal age means like 60. This isn't 1950, what the fuck? I think that doctor watches weird gimp porn in his basement while wearing a leather zippered mask.

[Lori Musacchio]

I'm not so sure that you're done yet! I bet if you relax some and maybe not think about it so much, it might just happen!! Hang in there, girl!! I'm praying for a baby for you!! :)

[rkmama]

Your doctor sounds like a real fucking peach... Whatever he says, I'm still rooting for your uterus and its surrounding parts.

[Stephaine in Kentucky]

I say don't give up! Your doctor sounds like an emotionless ass. What is this about vast maternal age? That's B.S.. It's just about finding the right doctor which requires you to hang in there. At some point you will have to say "enough" but I think there is still a chance. Whatever you decide lots of people support you!

[Cristin]

Vast maternal age? Sheesh. Like you hobbled in with a walker and blue permed hair.
Aren't there shows on TLC all the time about women having babies at like 74? I hope you can find a doc willing to help. Or better yet-that it just happens without more interventions!

[bjkazmi]

Do not give up, please. We were told to "stop wasting our money" by my doctor. He, too, kept reminding me how old I was (40). Julia is now 2. Just keep trying, please. i know the drugs are God awful, but the end result is just wonderful.

[Pale]

Clomid didn't work for me (I did 4 cycles of it). If you want to watch the color drain from my husband's face -- as though Satan himself just rang the doorbell -- mention the "c" word. And the side effects only got worse with each cycle (I believe it stays in your system up to nine weeks, so if you do back to back cycles, it builds up). I'm not sure which was worse ... the clomid and the disappointments ... or the crazy IF message board women that succeeded on it who preached it all around as ~the~ silver bullet and claimed not to have any side effects on it while implying that there must be underlying psychological issue going on with those of us who are sensitive to it -- I kid you not.

There are some who would say that Clomid is a waste of precious time once you are past a certain age ... unless maybe it's the only financially viable option.

This is the best infertility treatment information blog out there that is written by a reproductive endocrinologist:

http://infertilityblog.blogspot.com/

I second Tracie's endorsement of injectable meds. Much better. Got pg at 40 on the third try with those. (Not to be all, my-silver-bullet-is-your-silver-bullet ....)

If your FSH and other relevant hormones are still favorable, there are RE's who will work with you up until about 42, 43. Probably beyond that, too. (And if you would consider donor eggs, age is ~much~ less relevant). I wouldn't put too much stock into an RE who dismissed you simply because you were "too old" without further explanation.

Also, if your FSH is ~high,~ it doesn't mean you can't get pregnant. It just means that the medication$$ they use to stimulate your ovaries won't be as effective and you are better off trying on your own (providing you know how to chart your cycle and time the BD appropriately); ~treatment~ won't increase your odds. It just takes time to find that good egg. Also, alternative therapies like acupuncture might help?

So pulling for you.

[Ashley Hast]

That doctor can suck my balls. Are there any other good and/or considerate (i.e. NORMAL) doctors in your area? You could always visitate Dallas, and me too! :) I hope you have a fertilzed egg all up in yo' bid'ness real quick-like.

[DawnA]

1-What an asshole! So much for making you feel better.
2-Vast "maternal age"=I call bullshit! And who the hell talks like that.
3-Please don't get in the pizza oven. I would miss your posts.

[Sarah R]

That doctor is an ass, I'm sorry! And I have plenty of friends online and in real life who had babies at "advanced maternal age". I wish you the best of luck and I hope you find a better doc. Big hugs to you!

[Tracy]

Any time I hear about an asshole doctor in your area i wonder if it's a certain Dr K I saw there...

[Katrina]

Advanced maternal age my uterus!!! There are plenty of women who have babies after 40. I'm reading "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" -- have you read it? Very informative. Even at age 42 and after having had ten pregnancies (9 children) I find that I'm learning new things about fertility! I'm sorry you're dealing with such a jerk of a doctor :(

Katrina in Ca
They All Call Me Mom

[Niki]

Your words made me burst into tears. I am pushing the hell out of 39 and I want a baby so bad I can't stand it. My kids are 16 (on the 28th of this month) and 14 and my husband told me I'm too old. I want to punch him in his stupid face.

I hope you beat the odds and have yourself the plumpest, cutest, deliciousest baby EVER.

[Melissa]

I had my first and only at 39 and sometimes the doctors and people I dealt with acted like they couldn't believe I was able to get anything to grow in my dried, shriveled womb. Kind of a punch to the gut to only be in your 30's or 40's and have the 'advanced age' tag put on you. Screw 'em all.

[RIO]

What an awesome post. Wow. You amaze me. The four of you amaze me. I wish you could see what I see (and I am not making this up because i know all of you!)-I see a truly close, loving family. Not that you got there because of any brady-bunch circumstances -but what I see is a family that understands,loves, values, and appreciates one another. Each one of you is good,kind,caring...it lives there. I think any "normal"-what the hell is that anyway!?:)- family should feel blessed to have even a small piece of what you mean to eachother. Just wanted to let you know that you two have created something very..umm...awesome(i am not the literary artist that you are)But I mean it, and its true. Peace.