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06 April 2012


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Just wanted to and you my love. I can't imagine your grief. I'm struggling with my own and it's not even the same but I ache. I can't imagine if I hurt this much how much you must hurt.

Sending you love and hugs. Its all I've got.



You are a wonderful mama bear and that is why you are so broken. It also shows that you are the best kind of mother. It is so unfair. A million hugs to you.


thinking of you and your family, especially during this time
take care


You are surviving...that in itself is an accomplishment. Thinking of you all and sweet Thalon this week. Hugs!


Firm, binding, supporting hugs and prayers for you and your family.

Thank God we have a God who allows us to throw ourselves at Him and beat on His chest

. . . .and I truly believe He does and will have an answer for you.

much love to you Shana.



Thinking of you and your family this week...

Why, indeed...


Thinking of Thalon and your family.


I love you.


I understand not being able to pinpoint a date: My mom had a stroke on Good Friday and died on Easter Sunday. It was April 12th, 1993. So that part I can relate to. The loss of a child is another matter and all I can do is send you loving thoughts.

grace in chattanooga

Sending love and virtual hugs (you probably really don't want the real ones right now, but they're still available) and tears...


I've got no words...I do have tears, wishes to ease your pain, and love for you. But no words. :/


Thinking of you and your family, friend. I can't even imagine and anyone who tells you that you should be better adjusted needs a kick in the crotch.

Love you...


You and your family are in my thoughts.


I'm so sorry, I wish I could give you a hug. You're in my thoughts this week.


Be a hot mess all you want! Just know I'm sending HUGE hugs & daily thoughts of you.


I'm sure you're tired of hearing it, but I'm just so so sorry. I think of you and your family often and wish we lived closer so that we might be in-real-life friends. Hugs to you. (This was a beautifully written post, by the way. I hope that getting it out in such an eloquent manner made you feel a tiny bit better in the moment.)


I know nothing I say will make this less shitty, but I love ya.


Been thinking of you as this time approached. My beloved grandpa died 13 years ago on April 4th - which was Easter Sunday that year. So, I know the double whammy feeling that you're dealing with. I still cry for my grandpa after all this time - even moreso now when I think about the fact taht he will never hold my daughter. It sucks. Big time.


it's all bullshit. I want that hug, too.


I actually think you've come farther than you think. Your writing is amazing, and the fact that so many of us have 'stuck with you' and your blog for so long, should give you some comfort.

I hope that you can take care of yourself over the next few days. Don't be afraid to cut yourself some slack and hideaway and be angry, sad, mad, lonely, confused....but then come back, because we'd all miss you immensely if you didn't.

Take care of you.


My husband's 23 year old son took his own life in 2004. Sadly, and many don't realize this, it never gets better, it just gets different. I think at 3 years it's still very raw. My husband says that his son is always always in his thoughts, life has returned to a sort of normal but he will never ever be the same person. I believe that absolutely no one can truly understand unless they have lost a child. I really try to but it's not possible as I still have my 4 kids. He still stammers when someone asks how many children he has - is it 3 or is it 2? he answers 3... He recently asked me if I thought 'it was getting old'...my response is oh my god no, I cannot believe how well he truly does. I do think I would still be a hot seething mess at this time. I am sorry for those insensitive people that think that you should be moving on...you just don't need them in your life. Just accept all the love and caring that comes your way. xo


Anniversaries are hell.


I've been reading your blog for a really long time... Heather's (Spohr)too... and I didn't realize you shared this "date".... it sucks for both of you... I don't even have words for you.... Not that it matters, like she said "its all bullshit" I am just sorry both of you wonderful mommas have to endure the bullshit.


I love you. No inspiring words or attempts to even begin to try and understand your grief. Just love...and vodka. Lots and lots of vodka.
I've been thinking about you a lot recently and will continue.




There is no fix for this kind of broken but you are surviving and you will live again even though part of your soul and your very being is missing. Thalon is in your future. Keeping you, your husband and precious girls in my heart, prayers, and thoughts.


Big love and hugs, Shana. I do not know your grief, and I haven't met you (yet), but please know that I love you. You are on my heart every day.

Every day.

It's Not Like a Cat

I'm so sorry it hurts so much.


"One would think that after three years, I would be better adjusted to this time and reality but alas, folks, I am not."

How could any fool ever think you would be? My God. I want to beat up anyone who would have the nerve to think this. (and I am a wuss-bag normally) The last time I commented, you said you gladly accept virtual hugs so here is one for every day you need one.


I hold your family in my heart today and this month, especially. I know there is nothing to say that will change your reality, but I just wanted to say there are people loving you from afar and wishing it wasn't so for you and your family. Much love to your beautiful family. xoxoxox


Been thinking of you so much this week....sending peace and strength to you.

With love,


I have been thinking of you as this weekend approached. The fact that you can put one foot in front of another and keep going after enduring the worst possible thing happening is a testament to what an incredible mother and person you are. That you have to live with this is just completely shitty, and whoever thinks you should be "over this" is either a raging idiot or completely lacks any empathy. You are in my thoughts, and I wish you strength and whatever peace is possible.


Thinking of you !

Tricia Wheatley

I hear you and I feel you. Having just gone through the one year anniversary of my daughter dying I totally get what you are saying. I do have a date but really it is not that date for me but every stinking Friday. As I read more from parents who have lost children I am almost reassured but scared at the same time as you write of your grief. I am reassured because I really feel that people think that time's up for wallowing. Some days I need to wallow. It scares me too because as much as I want to hang on to my daughter and the reality of what was her the constant gut wrenching feelings of nausea and stabbing in my heart are so painful and exhausting. I wish nothing but good things and peace


Oh Shana, there are no words. Thinking of you and your sweet baby boy.


Thinking of you always. Xoxo


hi. i'm so sorry. been thinking about you all weekend. much love to you, shana


My heart breaks for you, your husband and children. I can't imagine the incredible grief you must feel each and every day. I don't know if it ever gets better.
I have a very dear friend who lost a child several years ago. He was actually my student at the time. I asked her once if she was ever angry at God. She said no. I told her she was a much better person than me then because I was mad as hell that God took him.
I hope you can feel the love of so many people. I hope you can feel God's presence and His love and comfort. Sometimes it might be as faint as a whisper, but I do pray you can feel it.
You bring so much happiness to others. I hope that this week you can find some for yourself. My prayers are with you all.


I just am still so fucking sorry.

Lisa M

Thinking about your girls this year. It must be so hard for them to comprehend that kind of loss, its' permanency. I saw this film once called "In America", about a family with two little girls who are coping with the loss of their son. It's very loving and very sad, and seems to illustrate how love keeps going, right through grief and loss, how strangers can sometimes comfort us better than family, and that it's ok to say goodbye. When I think of that film now, it reminds me of you and your family. You all seem so loving, despite all that has happened to you. God bless you all, this year, and all the years to come.


I cannot begin to relate to the grief you live, but I do know my own grief, and it has been crippling. When I lost my dad far too young to a cancer battle, a good friend (who had lost his own dad to a similar battle years earlier) came to see me. We hugged and cried and just sat. And I'll never forget his words. "If I told you it ever gets much better I'd be lying." At the time, I was like, well hell, thanks a lot. But from what I know now of loss and those of us left behind, I think I agree. You may appear better. You may not cry as much, but for someone you love so much to be gone....gone, is it ever really better? If a measure of peace can be made, I guess that's the better.

I also get the anger at God because I've been there for four years. Around the time my dad was battling cancer, two cousins neat the age of 30 were diagnosed with different forms of cancer that are nearly impossible to beat. One has small children. I follow you and the Spohrs. Countless unfair tragic losses have happened in my small town. And I find myself asking why a lot. Why my dad? Your baby? My cousins? And on and on.......I keep holding on to a somewhat shattered faith because it feels right, faking it till I hope I make it. We shall see.

I'm sorry I can't be uplifting, but we all know no words can do than anyway. I often feel a bit better knowing that
someone may relate on some level. And for what it's worth, please know that you've got a fan in Tennessee pulling for you. Praying, shaken faith and all, that your family finds healing and peace along your journey.

Big hugs.


I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through. I've said it before and I'll say it again I'm super impressed that you get out of bed every day. You grieve and mourn your way and know that your way is the right way. Advice is just someone else's opinion. So very sorry for you, Rich and the girls.


I thought of you this weekend and about how hard it must be. I can't even let myself imagine how hard and awful it must be to lose a child.


I wish I could hug you. That's pretty creepy, I know, me being a complete stranger and all. But really, words fail me, and as you said ....you don't want to hear them. So, I just wish I could hug you.


Sending you a lot of love, my friend.


I'm so sorry. Your son is remembered - you are all in our thoughts.


Oh, mama. I am so, so sorry. I wish there was something I could do, but of course all I can do is pray for you and your family. Be strong... if you can, and if you can't, then cry and stay in bed. I remember the day I read about you and the Spohr's awful, horrible, senseless tragedies. I still follow you both and my heart still aches. I so much wish I could help you. Sending love your way...


No one can tell another how to mourn. Esp. with the loss of a child. I've lost many people and have nearly crumbeled. I can't even begin to imagine the hell you are going through. The month I hate is May. It sounds like yours is April.

I will be praying for all of you.



thinking of you today. Hugs.


No words of advice. No inspirational truths. I just wanted to let you know I read your words and I am thinking about you today. You've gone through something very horrible and I am so sorry.

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