As I logged into Facebook today and lazily perused all the abundant information overload of everyone's lives, I came across a little gem today from one special page, Big Brother 13 Team Jordeff.
"Jeff and Jordan are moving to California today!!"
I could say about this wonderful news is, it's about damn time! or how about run you two and just break up now. It'll save you the heart ache that comes with loving someone.
Alright no judging as to why I liked Big Brother 13 fan page and why I give a shit about Jeff and Jordan other than I do and I'm 15. Maybe I'm hoping for some romance spin-off to cure my latent, romantic, black heart.
Black heart indeed.
This weekend Rich and I will have been married for 12 years, Celia will be 9 and I will probably be another 3lbs heavier. Time seems to be passing right on by replacing itself with amnesia while erasing past time and self. Romance dies quicker, I get fatter and my child gets older. Hmmm... I'm loving this time of my life right now. I'm a barrel of laughs here people. I'm just going to go ahead and blame Aunt Flo's impending demise on my behavior. Why not? Everyone else gets to. Maybe after next week I'll feel like I'm Mother Teresa and want to do good deeds to and for everyone. Today? Fuck people. in a loving way of course.
Today? I find myself looking at marriage totally different than a person who is in love in their early 30's. "I'm going to make a difference, I am going to be the best wife, mother and person I can be. We are always going to be loving. We are ALWAYS going to make up before we go to sleep. We are NEVER going to let romance die in our relationship. We are NEVER going to take each other for granted." Yep, what a crock of shit.
Life happens. Fights and disagreements are aired. Resentments and unresolved issues clog up the soul. We love each other then hate each other. Add losing a child and you have a form of party central all the time in the hood. Your undercarriage gets banged up and bent. Your electrical system now has all kinds of warning lights going off begging you to fix the damn thing. You forget or you become apathetic in providing routine maintenance because you've invested so much in this damn model, surely it will take care of itself, no? Hell, I'm no mechanic and I'm no expert but I do know one thing, I'm tired of looking for the owner's manual to fix this shit. Someone else needs to step up to this heap and take this pile off of my hands and repair the damn thing.
or I need to get back on drugs. Yea, drugs man. Totally should cure it all. Right?
Does anyone else feel relationships and marriage is sometimes just not worth it?