Believe it or not, I didn't post the last hullabaloo for smoke to be blown up my ass. If you were to ever meet me: I'm not vain nor do I think I am the king daddy of pithy words. A few commenters thought I plain suck it but as a whole, many of you made me feel, well... complete? To know there are people who read me and get that sometimes what I write isn't detrimental to my kids but this space is just me - venting. You know, my on-line embarrassing, private journal of sorts. Sharing what I can't share with the free contact world is quite comforting. A few thought as a whole I was "too negative." and they would be correct. Has my negativity transcended onto my family? Probably not, or maybe it has? But who are you to say, if you aren't here? Like, "wish you were here?" kind of postcard but you REALLY don't wish you were here. Because you might have to learn something about yourself. Good, Bad and VERY ugly kind of vacation. To this? I say, you can have your opinion. Wrong or right. But if you come here? to my space? and feel this way about me (not that I can't handle your truth but I don't necessarily believe in your 1000 mile diagnosis....) Please don't revisit me. Really! I'm not hurt if you hate me (REALLY!) but don't tell me I'm doing it all wrong because your best friend's, third cousin lost someone. Don't tell me I'm doing it wrong because I don't have sunshine, rainbows and stars shooting out of my unicorn's fucking ass 24/7 or even 3 out 7. We've all lost someone. Many someones. I know I have. I know that I have held most of these someone's hand during their time of death. These deaths were nothing like my son's. Nothing like your non-existent child's death. So, don't tell me I should plant a tree and garden to visit for comfort (CHECK!), release balloons on their birthday, anniversary, etc. (CHECK!) , donate my time and money to dying children (CHECK!) do things for others far greater than me. and oh, yea, my favorite, send my family to counseling. (A RESOUNDING, FUCKING CHECK!) If you knew me in real life, you wouldn't think I was the one writing this all of this shit into nowhere land. Unless, you knew me and knew I wrote this shit into nowhere land. Then, you've got me there.
I was going to write about Private School vs Public School issues I'm having but now feel like even I can't segue into this subject artfully. Because I had to clear my air. I do have to say, I feel much better for doing so.
Ahem.... on to more third world problems I have going on.
Anyway, the long and short of it is, my girls have gone to private school their whole life and today the paperwork is due for next year's enrollment. We have a pretty good public school next to us. I'm thinking about taking the big girl step and sending them there next year for 2nd and 4th grade. Why? Because what I thought I was paying for in a private school (a better education, teacher/student relationships, proactive administration coupled with many additional reasons) seems to be an expensive waste. Of course, not all of this time at this school has been a total colossal waste but the school seems to be getting bogged down in the minutiae of concentrating on 5th level problems with the main offending issues still glaringly apparent. In the end, I don't have another year in Celia's education to be wasted while they try to plug the many holes of their sinking ship.
On the flip-side, I'm so torn. The girls have known everyone and I have known every parent since they were in preschool together. I have met some of my closet friends at this school as well as the girls. More Moira than Celia but I think this has a lot to do with Celia's social immaturity and anxiety.
I've met quite a few people/friends/acquaintances who believe private schools bring on elitism and to this statement I believe this is true to a certain extent. The haves and the have-nots. Even if you have, you may not have as much as another uber-haver. This is true in all walks of life though. We can all be elitists. Private or public, so this argument is kind of lost of me a bit.
I think the main reason why I chose Catholic school was for the superior education, positive atmosphere, maybe a bit of protection from the external negative forces that face our children these days and more parent/teacher involvement. With this price tag, I'm not sure I'm seeing these checklist items being met.
I could go to another private school with whom quite a few of my friend's send their children to but again, I wonder if I would be making a lateral move vs an upward move.
I'm so confused. I wish this part of life was in the non-existent parent handbook.
Your thoughts of Private vs Public? Am I totally being a hovering parent? Wait, don't answer that last question.
***update: I failed to share that I/we have been discussing this potential move with the girls. They are quite excited about a new school, new friends, a better art program, better lunches and wearing nail polish and flip-flops. I'm the only hold out here. Not the girls and or Rich. I'm the only one who is trying to justify staying.***