Y'all remember "Growing Pains?" From the 80's? I KNOW you know Kirk Cameron's "Left Behind" series.... *cough* *snort* zealous rendition of the end of days...
Yeah, he was from that odd series. Whatever....
Man, I am so good an NOT getting to the point..
I was never quite sure what the premises of "The Growing Pains" show was really about except for some pure white Wonder Bread shit spewed about people in Izod's and Polo's taking on real life biz in tha 'hood, Yo! You know. Popularity, life lessons of drinking, oppression, curfews and the man.
This is where I am at the moment. Not necessarily in that order. Because the only "the Man" in my life is my husband and well, it is way to hard to please him and make him understand what I do day to day.
Nothing to be exact.
I want to move on. I want to move on from being a poster child of death and well, depressing shit. Though... it is a part of me that I'll never be able to give up. For years, I have been trying to move seven years of my trivial shit to a new platform but I've always been too lazy to learn code, new language and well, to design a meaningful header that really personifies what this site means to me. Instead, I'm comforted in static and what I know. Because it is way easier.
I'm in the process of finally changing. "Don't call it a "New Year Resolution" because those are strong words... strong fighting words.... but I do want to change things up a bit in my life. I DO want to define myself more than being the drunken, slang-ridden, whore I personify myself to me.
So what if I AM all of these things, I want to clean it up a bit. Don't worry. My love of reprehensible language will always prevail. (Sorry. I have to pay many pennies into the swear jar every day because I'm not as polished as I should be from the many lessons burned into my brain from my childhood.)
Anyway, I need a fresh start. A change and to be more coherent in my thought process.
So, I'm trying to change to a new site and a new format. More clean. In WordPress.If you even know what this site means.
I have to admit, I'm a total creature of habit and want to cling on to my old ways.
Don't worry. The header won't stay. It is just for placement. I can't be crass all the time. Just waiting on my knowledge of Illustrator to kick in or for someone to design the shit out of my new site which has yet been decided on keeping.....
Complete with no ads and well, not a lot of old junk.
So, should I change to a new format? Do y'all know even WordPress? Do you know how to transfer seven years of total crap? or should I change to a new name and forget the past.
Should I stay with what is comfortable? What I know? Full of painful memories? Full of total fluff? Should I stay with my status quo?
Speaking of that white, spongy jar of marshmellowy fluff inhabiting my cabinet, I am thinking of capturing my travels of death and destruction from the past year and more... in a more cohesive format for all of the depressing kind to read and maybe... relate to.Like in a semi-book.
Should I? Should I further dissect "a real life account" of death and grief of a child? or are there too many books and personal accounts out there? Saturating the world.
My StatCounter tells me, no.
The random faceless numbers and links tell me I need to further put myself out there and really tell others what the grief of losing (not that I misplaced my child in a drawer or cabinet) a child is like then, there and now.
Maybe even more in-depth from what I've shared here.
I'm wondering if I can do it and sound well... smart and insightful.
One thing I know for sure, I would totally need someone to proofread my grammar and punctuation.
*Cue! I need help, y'all! with both website and verbiage.*
I'm totally stunted in this area as quite a few other areas in my life.
maybe I should totally scrap this idea and write smut.
Yea, smut with total implausible story lines complete with fantastical scenarios for all to devour and scan should be my next direction.
SEX and trysts abounding. Screw the death and sadness.
Yea, that might be the ticket. for me.