A local make up/speciality product shop asked if there were any takers in trying out some new Bumble and Bumble products launching next month. (For free. No payment. Not obligated to say shit about it, thank you.)
Specifically if they liked big hair. Dude, I'm from Texas. Even if I am distantly displaced/misplaced from the state, I'm all about big hair. I mean, I watch "Big, Rich Texas" and I do believe in the higher your hair, the closer to God motto. Even if I am an epic failure of big hair in my daily real housewife life. More like high falutin' three-day-old flat ponytail....
I was pleasantly surprised in the end results. The thickening mousse lasted way longer than one's very late night of drinking too many Redbull and vodkas while playing haphazardly dangerous darts in a dive bar full of hazy smoke and dirty fights. What more could you ask for in a product? Not that I partook in those disgraceful activities this particular evening. The next day? I was ready for church like any God-fearing hungover whore who didn't have time to scrape the mascara out from underneath her eyes much less brush her hair. The hair was still in good shape. I mean, IF I were to actually misbehave in such a manner.
I was even more surprised our town has a dry bar! This is the place for me! Lazy, wet, bedraggled hair dried to whatever style you are yearning for in your simple life. Just like on the "Vanderpump Rules" show. Oklahoma is totally getting into the game for people who are too lazy like me to simply dry and straighten their hairs.
Y'all see my new VEERRYY red hairs? and my prim and proper pose? both pretty scary.
I didn't mean to offend when I said, "LOOK!! I look like I belong in Who-ville!" But I am right, no? It's all part of the process man.
End result? A cheesy look with what another dude said, "You kinda look like Peg Bundy but you rocked it!"
Thanks dude. No wonder you never get laid.
I'll take Peg Bundy and raise you fabulous hair. Hair that made me feel special and pretty for once. Camouflaging my jowels and detracting from the lower nether regions. I can't say I quite remember when I felt this feeling last. Ten years ago? Three kids ago?