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07 February 2014

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Antonija

Don´t apologize. This is your space. It´s not like you are posting in the NYT. And even then, if people don´t want to hear what you are thinking, then they should not read it. I guess the problem is, they don´t like what you are thinking, but there is no way for anyone to censor your thoughts and that is exactly how it should be. I hope there are better times ahead!

Alicia

Duuude. That blows. Family can be the worst sometimes, even when they mean the best but sounds like you've got some serious rotten apples on that tree. I'm an imaginary friend that's followed for a while and think that you are pretty freakin' strong. You've dealt with a lot. A LOT. And don't need any extra drama in your life. Life is hard enough.

Don't let them keep you down. I know if there was an easy fix or magic wand that would make it all easy and roses and rainbows and unicorns it'd be skittle fest 2014. But alas...

Haters gonna hate. They are going to see and think what they want. Just keep those that know you close and keep protecting yourself as best you can.

Internet hugs! (And internet bitch slaps to the bitches!)

grace in chattanooga

Your in-laws can bite my ass. Seriously. Please don't let them weigh on your thoughts at all. They don't deserve to rent space in your head, because you are too good for them. You are superfly, and they suck. Love you.

Meredith C

I think you're an awesome person and I love your raw honesty. And I wish life would deal you some lemonade rather than the lemons. But you are so truthful - life does suck a lot of the time, never mind the burdens you've been thrown. This is my first comment and I think you rock. You keep on doing you.

H

I was worried about you. I came here sometime in the past couple of days to see if you'd posted and noticed a few posts were missing. On a smaller scale, I can relate to what you're experiencing. You KNOW it isn't you, that you can't rationalize the crazy irrational people but that doesn't take away the pain, hurt, frustration, irritation and (at least for me) sometimes leaves you with a nagging doubt as to whether or not it IS you. As everyone has said here, you're good and you deserve better. Stay strong.

a

Here's my particular strategy for dealing with my in-laws: (Don't tell my husband, though - he'll be offended.) I don't give a crap about them. They're people I know through someone else. I wouldn't voluntarily seek out their company. I do not need to have a personal relationship with anyone. I need only be polite and minimally social. If I feel like doing anything else, I will. If I don't, oh well. More or less, they're like unpleasant coworkers - I occasionally have to deal with them. Fortunately, my husband doesn't like to spend much time with his family, so I don't have to either.

Sorry you're getting additional nonsense from your safe place. :(

Sandi

I really, really wish that when we become adults we could pick our families like we pick our friends. Boot out the ones that don't fit and bring in the ones we love. I would definitely make you part of my family.
I hate that they are hurting you, it's just not right.

Nathan Pralle

Shana, I think you're doing awesome and I love (and have loved you for years) for your raw honesty and realness as a person. Please don't change what you are for those who can't comprehend. Because those folks will never go away, never get better, and all we'll lose is the beauty that is you.

M

I can't believe you took your posts about them down. THEY were wrong. I have toxic in laws too. I would never ever apologize to them for things they have done. After having so many physical health problems I started reading about the role of emotion in disease (great book called toxic emotions). Life is too short to eat shit for people who don't give a shit, who don't deserve shit ya know. Don't fight with them but don't kowtow to them either. Also, I say this sincerely...your marriage doesn't sound happy at all and hasn't for some time. Maybe a trial separation would help you and him gain some perspective about if you really want to be together and if it's a good environment for the kids. My parents fought a lot and were not in love or even best friends. They're still married but they can't stand each other. My brother replicated this kind of marriage too and we both have had major emotional scars and made some bad life choices due to trying to escape an unhappy home. Best of luck. Life is too short to be unhappy and dis ease causing disease. Now or down the road. I promise (the new field of medcine based on this is called pyschoneuroimmunology)

Single Jen (not so single anymore)

This post says so much. Ive been reading you for years and years. You have been through much worse than this. Nothing has kept you down. This site is your outlet and no one can take that away. And just my opinion but, I dont know how you are as sane as you ARE! F those bitches.

Gladys Kravitz

So - these abusive narcissistic assholes went searching for YOU and anything you write, knowing that you were probably telling the TRUTH about them, and now they want to silence you.

For telling your truth. About their horrific behavior. Sounds like narcissists to ME.

I know you cannot go 'No Contact' with them - which is the only cure for narcs - but maybe low-contact. I like what one of your commenters said up above, about treating them like co-workers. The kind you see in the lunch room and be polite but *scoot* back to your desk (home) as quickly as possible.

They mean nothing to you, ultimately. Whatever they say to each other is just so many farts in a room you don't ever enter. They have no power.

I think - put those posts back up. You have NEVER used their names. And if someone sees themselves in a post about people being assholes - well, if that shoe fits...

Billie


What a and Nathan said - spot on! I've read you for a long time, and I love you the way you are. Don't change for any of these fools. Make them invisible to you. What they think makes no difference. Don't let them touch you. So many people love you for you being exactly what you are. Just live by that old saying "What other people think of you is none of your business". Erase them from your life. You will feel so liberated.

Rachel

Don't let the bastards get you down. I understand your feelings of never being accepted, much less liked, by people who you've tried to do right by. It takes courage to speak up for yourself, and call things like you see them. You have the support of so many people who read your blog. I hope you don't allow those negative people to cause you to second guess what you do, or write, or post.

Snow

The truth hurts! Seeing your thoughts in writing must be excruciating for your in-laws because they know deep down it is the raw truth. Reading comments left by cyber strangers being called out on their bad behavior is obviously too much for your sad narsasitic in-laws.

I say "too bad" if they don't like it, they don't need to read it! They sound like control freaks and obsessed about their own appearances, I say tough. The truth hurts! If they want your posts to stop referring and regarding them, why don't they change "THEIR" behavior towards you and your family?

The truth hurts, Shana. But, it will also set you free!

Becki

Just wanted to add my voice quickly - (much life crap and business going on here)- do NOT disappear! You are internet loved and important to us. If you disappear I will worry and I do NOT need one more person or thing to worry about right now! lol

Sarah

You've never come off as illogical to me. You sound like the only family member who has refused to drink the proverbial kool-aid. I agree: if they don't like it, they don't have to read it. The truth DOES hurt, and it CAN set you free. You have every right to express yourself on here, with all the standard Shana Enthusiasm. You are a wonderful mother, and that shines through anything and everything else. You're also a kick-ass beautiful red-headed warrior, and we are few and far between. ;) Don't let them bring you down to their level. Let them stay in their Wonderland of BS if they need to, but you stay true to you and yours, Lady. Stay strong... you've come through so much, and we (the internet we!) love you and want you to stay!!

Mary from OKC who reads your shit and says NOTHING

Fuckem Shana. I myself finally had to give up on my husbands family. The criticisms, the put downs, the negative bullshit. Who needs it? You are honest and raw and that IS the fucking attracting to your writing. If they don't like it, they can shove it where the sun don't shine. But I know what you mean about it being hard on the family, hard on Rich, Hard on the girls... been beaten over the head with that club of guilt forever and don't expect that shit to end. Why? because you care. If you didn't care... well, you get my drift.

Sizzle

I'm glad you exist, that you blog, that we are friends through the internet and beyond. I'm sorry anyone is trying to squash your truth. It sucks. I've learned in the last two years how uncomfortable people get with raw honesty, with unbearable grief, with being angry or being sad (with justifiable reason!). I'm sick of cowards. I'm glad you're not one. xoxo

Annette

Your honesty is a a breath of fresh air in blog land. Thank you for being real. It makes many of us feel that we aren't the only ones who aren't living perfect lives like many other bloggers would have us believe. Don't go away. Don't ever apologize for being honest and using your space to write about your life...the good and the bad. And if certain people don't like it...screw them.

Sheila

I have been reading you for about 5 years, though I didn't realize how long it's been because I feel like you are a friend and have never once thought "I need to stop reading this" I hope you know you have us internet friends behind you, and if I am ever in your neighborhood, or vice versa, we need to hang out and have a Margarita or 5 :D

Alison

I <3 you.

Shannon

Ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous. YOU shouldn't apologize for what YOU write on YOUR blog. It's as simple as that. These are YOUR feelings, musings. As for family, it's hard not to let them get under our skin...as for mine..they aren't assholes...but they honestly couldn't give a rat's ass about my kids..and I struggle with letting that go. So I understand it's hard to let go. But, that's what you have to do. If you can do no more, let go. Continue to be a badass momma and wife..and let those assholes go.

Dana

FUCK. THE. HATERS.

If people don't like what you have to say on here...GUESS WHAT?! THEY AINT GOTTA READ IT!!!

I love you. You are gorgeous, delightful, funny, and a badass bitch - all things I deeply appreciate.

And remember - NAMASTE, BITCHES!!!

xoxo

Brenda

There will always be people in the world who seek out other people's blogs/writings and criticize. Whether they are family or strangers, they will always exist. They don't have anything of value to say themselves, so they criticize, judge and ostracize others. Pathetic. But still going to exist.

Ignore them. Forget about them. Don't give them the satisfaction of stopping you from enjoying the catharsis that this blog seems to provide to you.

And I'll say it….time for your hubby to man up and put his family in their place. He needs to be your biggest supporter. He of all people should understand that this is your way of coping.

I still read, and clearly so do many others. There are people in this world who don't feel the need to pick on others as a sport. Sounds like some of your family would be gold medalists in the criticism olympics. Screw them!

B

Mel

I've been following you for a while, I don't know if I've ever commented. I have followed you precisely because of your honesty in expressing yourself. I'm sorry someone has gotten their hairy balls twisted up but I totally agree that you are a good person and I'm fuckjng proud that you know you have amazing parts even when others are dumping their shit on you. Thank you for not deleting this place

Amy

Tell them to screw themselves- who needs them! You got us weirdos :)

Vee

You have so many people on your side and I'm one of them. I was never good enough for my mother-in-law and in the end I cut contact with her. It was the only way for me to go. Not what I had hoped for but it was fine with me. It's hard enough to get through life without having to deal with people who make us feel inadequate. I just don't do it anymore. I hope you continue to write, to be honest, and to make yourself happy because at the end of the day it's only yourself you're accountable to.

Amy O

Mama Gorillabuns -

Been a reader for years - since well, nearly the beginning. As you said, lived thru all that you cared to share. Loved, laughed and cried. Now, I'm pissed. This is YOUR playground, this is YOUR space, YOUR therapy. I read the posts that are now MIA, and they were honest to God fine. If THEY have issues, it is their issues. But I get it, I've pulled entries from my blog because it made husband less uncomfortable than having them out there. But it did not add to who we are, it actually increased the sadness of who we've become by a little.

I wish I could say my entry to the 'Fucked up Family' show was my In-laws - but no, It's My family (the whole damn lot of them), and I feel your pain and frustration. Nothing like having the having the Asshats of Hell seek you out and then toy with you like a cat playing with a mouse and harvest joy from your pain and then saying you caused it.

As everyone has said - you are a good person. You are on your way to recovering from what has to be the most awful thing a woman can deal with. And that you have to deal with those zooies (you know, people who are so messed up THEY should be in a zoo), is unfortunate and trying... if you let it.

Keep on writing. You've got a great group of folks here who actually like you, and celebrate your victories, and rise to defend you from the haters (Shit, read the comments thus far.) If the ILs choose to BMC at you and about you - it's you who chose to listen, or to hit the delete key. Even better, and I know this from personal experience, reply back with "Thank you so very much for your input and observations. They have been noted. I do hope you have a lovely day." They never know how to reply to that. Trust me - it's like a can of asshat be-gone.

So, looking forward to your next post, and hope you are surviving the snow-in.

A.O.


Julie

Oh Shana! If we ever get together we can talk for HOURS about our crappy in-laws. My POS father-in-law and his "new wife" are moving back here next month. I can hardly stand it. I honestly don't know how we will handle them being back. They are horrible to my husband and his sisters are seriously the devil. Secretly, I keep hoping he dies, he is 78 after all. He treats my kids like crap and then tells everyone it's my fault they don't like him. Luckily we do have my husband's aunts and uncles and their kids who have embraced us and act like my kids grandparents. If only his mom hadn't passed away almost three years ago. We never realized how she kept the craziness reeled in as much as she did. Much love to you. Take care of yourself! Keep loving your girls and your husband and yourself and tell those people to F off!

Ashley

I've read over these comments and I can second what everyone says... especially Dana: F the Haters! You rock. They suck. This is YOUR space and I really hope they don't take it away from you. You deserve this. You deserve to be able to put down what you're thinking and you certainly deserve all of "your people" backing you up... and that's what we are: YOUR PEOPLE. We chose YOU! We follow you, read you, meet you & order Mexican food that we don't eat b/c we're too busy talking and meeting and getting to know each other!! Damnit this makes me angry. I want to say that I hope they read this and see that even though they don't get you, we all do... but then again I really don't give an F about them. I only care about you! I hope that you can somehow find a way to get over this. I hope that you don't spend too much time on them because they don't deserve it. You know what I remember reading about your SIL? She's an attention whore and if you're thinking about; worried about; what-the-f-ever-about HER, that's what she wants and she doesn't deserve your thoughts, worries or attention. Well, I think I've said everything I came to say... Please don't give up your love of writing and expressing your shit. Don't let them win!

Jill

Shana, don't you DARE let them take your feelings and thoughts and honesty about life and make YOU think it's wrong. Truth hurts. Family (in-laws especially) hurts. Life can suck the air right out of the biggest Macy's Turkey Day parade ballon in 2 seconds flat. But holy hell, don't go away, or go quietly. I find it funny how truth is said in normal tones of voice and ignored, but a whisper or a yell of bullshit is paid attention to like it's from a prophet's lips. You are kick ass, you make me smile, and you have no reason to hide one single word you've typed. Put those posts back up, and show 'em the finger if they say a word about it. Love you, love your girls, love your hubby and love your honesty. Keep typing and word vomiting- its not only helpful to you, but to those of us who have read each word year after year. <3

Jesz

You have done nothing wrong, you created a safe space for yourself. as many others have said, you created this space for yourself and that's all that matters. I let family members chase me out of mine and I've always regretted because I could never find a way to re-establish myself.

I've come here for years and the reason I do is because you are so honest and I can relate to you in so many ways. Please don't censor yourself but if you have, instate a password policy for the posts you feel you need to protect.

Amy

I like reading your blog because you are real. Don't censor your personal blog. It's your space. Own it!

Michelle N

I want to be a part of the other, other blog! Been such a long time reader, wouldn't know what to do without a little gorillabuns in my life!

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