Gorillabuns

this is today, tomorrow is another day

While I know circumstances might change after I press <enter> -

three tests later, I have an answer to my last post.

Excuse me while I go into my corner to FREAK the HELL OUT!!!

yo diggity

HOT DAMN!!!! the floors are finally done. okay, well semi-done. let's just say they are done enough that we have two walk ways and i don't have to sit in the kids rocking chairs to bake t.v. dinners for the family.

needless to say after four weeks of upheaval, rich won't be getting a life-time supply of blow jobs but he WILL receive a life-time supply of shit for the details that have yet to be completed.

after moira spilled a juice box, wait.... after she projected and spit a geyser of juicy by-product on the new shiny floors the other day, i felt we made the right decision in turning our lives upside down for a mere amount of time. gone are the memories of gagging at the smell of resolve carpet cleaner. with a quick hazardous waste wipe down, a reminder of toxic waste spills that took an arsenal to get out, out, that damn spot! are no more.

the new floors have brought back to the surface, my latent major OCD side which existed in the not folding the towels the wrong way (you know lengthwise in 1/2, then tri-fold-my husband has yet to master this origami trick) and replacing the mayo jar in the exact 1/4" spot in the fridge, old self of 7 years back. this weekend, i found myself color coding and organizing my used tissue paper collection and polishing silver plate cocktail picks. don't even get me started on the 25 bajillion color coded laundry stacks i have completed and the once in an eon ironing of target play shirts and tinker bell underwear.

other things accomplished this weekend?

torturing small children with farrah do's:

and spent large amounts of time staring at my floors,

 

while obsessively swiftering the shit out of the floors, like every two hours.

turn this mutha out!

do you see much improvement in 6 days? if you are asking me, not-so-much. while i totally love the idea of not having to vacuum, dust and cook, i've become quite agitated with the "weekend" project now tallying 10 days.

who wouldn't love stirring macaroni and cheese in a rocking chair in the middle of the kitchen? sleeping in a bed sans sheets due to chocolate milk explosions for the umpteenth time? attracting exciting and new marks on their person from stumbling on various kinds of toys, furniture and stray pieces of wood not hammered down? i've begun to feel like i would feel much happier "living in a box down by the river" than in this hell hole. if this project doesn't end soon, rich and i will be "on a break" due to the unfinished extravaganza. if friday evenings explosion of epic proportions was any indication of the shape of the things to come, we won't have to worry about moving our furniture back into the living room.

let's just say, rich won't be having a "happy ending" anytime soon.

though, i have to admit, we are making nice now.

while i would love to share some explict details of last weeks trauma, i don't feel it appropriate and well, there may be others reading this and i'm sure they wouldn't like to read such private sorrow displayed for strangers to devour. in a word or in a not-so-short sentence, it was and is a truly fucked up situation and i'm not talking about our rinky-dink floors.

the one positive thing that came out of last week's explosion is the thought of my last tribute. i want a celebration of my life to include a big party catered with all the foods i love. cheese fries, mexican food and pesto tortellini. i want everyone to karaoke my favorite songs and everyone has to participate. i don't want perfect pictures (as if there are any in existence) displayed for everyone's viewing pleasure. i want pictures included from various parties, functions and candids that truly show how i really enjoy life. i don't want carnations and daisies and i want the foo's "everlong" played when my charred remains are toted out into the unknown.

if these demands are not met, i do believe, i'll haunt each and every person who didn't comply with my wishes.

two reasons why there is not enough life to live:

all the cool kids are doing it.

i think i have eluded in recent months to the dire consequence of raising our WT asses from poverty level to barely passing the panhandlers fresh ink markings on expensive cardboard on the nearest corner. dude, if local news reports are to be believed, these unabashed salesmen make way more money than we and also score with loaded bags of nearby fast food restaurants, nay a fry or two missing from their booty. in other words, the tax man cometh and he taketh big time from the gorillabuns household.

in obvious terms, since i wasn't able to push out another spawn before the December 31st deadline, rich and i owe the next 2-3 kids on the black market for payment to good, old, responsible, uncle sam. hell, if we could, we would drive down to mexico and gladly give a kidney or two in exchange for debt but the savvy marketers know all too well, the compounded smell of day old vodka and rum wouldn't profit into major sales for their undercover operations.

in other words, after we have payed our debt to society and all that load their baskets to the brim of excess, we are left with negative balances in our paper thin account.

so, what does a household bereft of financial responsibility do? we buy and accumulate shit. and lots of it! honestly, it makes us feel all happy and warm inside.

exhibit a:

lookey at what will take us oh, say, 6 months to complete in our chocolate milk, coffee, dip-n-stick stained living room.

likened to our bathroom remodel started in july 06 that has yet to be completed, this too will be another project that takes double the time and double the money to master.

HGTV + cocktails + screaming kids + cocktails + procrastination + cocktails = half-assed unfinished projects taunting us to finally wipe their asses clean. eager to run free with the big boys and girls or at the very least, the ability to open the door and let unexpected visitors to roam free in our entry without cautiously lying into the face of the all knowing, gee, your house looks so clean... i sooo, don't notice a mess....

actual installation and completion will be forthcoming. after a few cocktails and reading the instructions in japanese.

ebay 911

in my quest for new, cheap, cute, fashionable clothing for the girls, ebay sucked the life and memory out of my brain and beckoned me with it's come hither smile to go on a buying spree as of late. every day is christmas when i open my highly anticipated and totally forgotten i purchased that package.

a definite sign that ebay's web page should be blocked from my viewer - two separate shipments arrived in the mail of the same bathing suit purchased on the same day from different listers. $6.99 brand new? hell yeah! should i have remembered that i had just purchased this item from another lister? forgoing the rush from getting a major deal? hell, no!