Thank you EVERYONE for the kind support and help with our jacked up car and well, supporting me during the great June bug attack of 2009. After a rousing round of Rock Band, cocktails, many hours dating an auto dealership - we traded in our rough, abusive bad boy for a smooth-talking, love machine. I am happy to report, I didn't wake up the next morning feeling dirty while doing the walk of shame and I didn't have to sell one of my kids on the black market for our more reliable ride. Now everyone is happy at least for the moment. After all the giddiness of selling my soul for a new ride, I was able to perform many a drum solo while simultaneously performing 6 loads of laundry and scrubbing my kitchen sink until the wee hours of the morn. Who knew having a new car was a natural antidepressant?
Determined to get my car into "better" shape for the trade-off, I spent hours trying to "debrief" it with a cleansing. Well, a blow-torch would have been in order but I couldn't readily find one at my disposal. While hoisting my ass into the back area of the car, I freaked the fuck out!
A budding four-year-old artist thought, "hey, it's 400 degrees outside. Let's color on PLASTIC with CRAYONS and pray my mother doesn't beat me within an inch of my life!"
Holy Shit! (Yes, I've already exclaimed this once) I managed to remove MOST of the evidence. I say most because, IT WAS MELTED CRAYON IN GROOVED PLASTIC!
I then moved onto the arduous attack of removing car seats:
It's alright, you can say it. Let's say it together, shall we? HOLY FUCK!!! If you aren't sure what you are looking at here, that pretty much makes the two of us. I think there is some melted chocolate from a birthday party and maybe MORE fucking crayons along with I don't know, a fortune from a fortune cookie? And spills of undetermined spillages.
Let this be a lesson to you my friends. I don't care if your child is 1 or 18, ALWAYS have a car seat cover to protect your vehicle's interior. and make sure your husband REPLACES the car seat cover after tearing up the car while looking for the elusive tarantula that managed to make it IN your car but never out. over a year ago.
Ahem....
After walking away from the beast, I did not look back with one bit of sadness and longing but muttered loudly "this car is a detailing nightmare." I then turned to see a woman anxiously looking at it, basically panting to take it out for a test run. I didn't have the heart to say, "stay away! It's tainted!" Because if I had, I would still be driving around the beast.
I know, I know. Should I go to confession now? or later?
nah , someones nightmare is another persons sweet dream ...
Posted by: Cynnie | 21 July 2009 at 12:26 AM
Going to buy a seat protector tomorrow. I'm glad you have a new car!
Posted by: Sam | 21 July 2009 at 01:39 AM
Confession? Eh.
It's up to the dealer to be honest (hahahahhahaha) and disclose everything now.
As for the crayon on plastic...Magic Eraser! It worked for me the time my DD (at 18 months) decided to convert my kitchen flooring and appliances with a red crayon!
Posted by: Noelle | 21 July 2009 at 02:01 AM
I tell myself the melted crayon stuck in the plastic is artsy. I will try that line whenever I try to trade it in. I am not hopeful it will work. Worse than crayon? That would be milk based baby barf-oy.
Peace and love, SHauna
Posted by: Shauna McGlynn | 21 July 2009 at 02:11 AM
My house came with melted crayon in the walls, which we have never mothered to take out. Maybe that's why it isn't selling?
Congrats on the new ride!!
Posted by: sassy | 21 July 2009 at 03:10 AM
heading out to the shops right frigging now....thank you Shana xxxx
Posted by: Sarah | 21 July 2009 at 03:20 AM
Oh isn't it lovely when you have to take the car seats out and are forced to look at the accumulated crap. That was me a few months ago. (I also found a whole sandwich. It was BAD)
Posted by: Veronica | 21 July 2009 at 05:30 AM
Two things, which you may have already tried for getting off the crayon . . . Mr. Clean Magic Thingies and Goo Gone. They really work miracles. Enjoy the new wheels.
Posted by: Lori | 21 July 2009 at 05:31 AM
Sweet! What type of new old car are you driving now? I'm picturing you in a Ferrari, but I suspect it's a minivan like mine! :)
Posted by: Lynn from For Love or Funny | 21 July 2009 at 05:40 AM
great to see the old car gone and a our newer car waiting to be broken in!!! WOW you should see our car after we have been to the beach, eating along the way and then eating icecream on the way home!!! Not pretty but its fine, its only a car. As long as the kids are happy that is all that matters.
Take care and give those girls a big hug for being so creative!!
Lisa
Posted by: Lisa Wood | 21 July 2009 at 06:09 AM
I don't think I've ever quite seen a car like that! Too funny!
Posted by: Jacki | 21 July 2009 at 06:33 AM
Ha Ha......my kids are not in car seats and I still find smushed, melted candy inbetween seats....it is not as hot here in NC but still gets pretty toasty....glad you got rid of the lemon and now enjoy your new ride.....
Posted by: Julie Shaner | 21 July 2009 at 07:05 AM
so happy for you ! congrats on the new car! i have named my mini-van the snot rocket yeah not to classy but kinda sums it up :) and i totally agree with Lisa, just a car. i tell my hubby the dirt says "love" because it means we have been to the beach, park and soo on. love and prayers
Posted by: laura | 21 July 2009 at 07:41 AM
Of course a new car is an antidepressant - especially after removing car seats from your old car. I would swear that my daughter hasn't eaten anything in the car in months and I vacuumed out her seat before I put it back in last, and I STILL have cracker crumbs everywhere! Having something new and clean just feels good. And then you have to take the children somewhere...
Posted by: a | 21 July 2009 at 07:44 AM
Shana, Thanks for reminding me why my kids aren't allowed to eat in my car!!! Hubby lets them eat in his, and every time the detailing guy finishes our cars, he whispers to me "your car is SOOOOOO much cleaner".
Sadly, my house is a sty, but my car is clean.
Share...what kinda car didya get? Photos?
Brenda
Posted by: Brenda | 21 July 2009 at 07:45 AM
I couldnt stop laughing the entire post... esp w/ the pics!
Posted by: Michele | 21 July 2009 at 08:02 AM
I cannot tell you how happy I am to see someone else's car looks just like mine! Specifically, under the carseats. My car is so bad, that the last time I went to visit my parents, my mother TOOK IT UPON HERSELF to clean it because she couldn't stand the filth. Me? I've come to embrace it! And her beautiful cleaning job was shot to hell by the time we finished the two hour trip back home! How's the new car doing so far?! lol
Posted by: a madhouse wife | 21 July 2009 at 08:04 AM
YAY new car! And thanks for the seat protector advice. I am definitely going to invest in one of those!
Posted by: M | 21 July 2009 at 08:16 AM
I have one child...and one husband...yep only one husband...anyway.......You're car is/was in the same state mine is in. We unfortunately take a lot of car trips so eating in the car and 'living' in the car is a must. We are so disgustingly messy in the car...so don't feel bad...the only thing our car is missing is the crayon...bc my daughter would eat the crayon and not color with it.
I also think my spirits would be lifted if I didn't have to look at all that mess anymore either! :)
Posted by: Lindsey | 21 July 2009 at 08:44 AM
Oh my, Moira is quite the artist. Thanks for the seat protector PSA, I took mine out when we switched seats a few weeks ago and will now be spending some time this morning putting it back in.
So what did you end up with?
Posted by: andrea | 21 July 2009 at 08:46 AM
I say Lets have a party! One that rids us of bad juju, h1n1, depression, melted crayons, weddings and june bugs...what do you say sister? xoxo
Posted by: layla | 21 July 2009 at 08:49 AM
I found a melted crayon in my car compartment yesterday afternoon. AM SO PISSED.
Posted by: whoorl | 21 July 2009 at 08:51 AM
You know me and my cleaning frenzy habit- seeing that crayon on the car made me twitch and reach for a scrubber. ;-) I'm so glad you got a new car!
Posted by: sizzle | 21 July 2009 at 08:56 AM
OMG. 0.o If a tarantula ever went IN my car but not out, *I* would never get in that car again. But then, I'm also severely arachnophobic. I'm freaking out just THINKING about it, lol.
Kids are hell on cars! We HAVE car seat protectors under the kids' seats and we still somehow end up with messes working their way underneath to taint our seats.
Of course, I'm not the cleanest person in the world either so I can't get on them too much...hehe.
Posted by: Kristi of Million Dream Mom | 21 July 2009 at 09:26 AM
I recently removed my 3 y/o's car seat to put it in my mom's car, and OMG-- the amount of choking hazard toys, Goldfish crackers, Pirate's Booty, and melted chocolate candy was incredible. I am surprised the seat still fit snugly against the car it was so bad. And my car is a LEASE, which means I am screwed in a year or so when I turn it in!
Posted by: harrytimes | 21 July 2009 at 09:34 AM
I too have a crayola artist on my hands, and she likes to make murals on her walls, and everything else. The best trick? WD-40. I kid you not, it takes it right off. ESPECIALLY on plastic. If I didn't have that in my bag of tricks SHE might be hanging on the wall by now. (My dad, is in fact, a taxidermist lol)
I'm SO glad you got the beast out of your life, because one less stress is always a blessing.
Posted by: Krys S | 21 July 2009 at 09:52 AM
Holy shit! I think you've had enough to deal with that God will let you slide right by the confessional. Now I'm off to go research these seat protectors.
Posted by: Amanda | 21 July 2009 at 10:01 AM
Glad you got a new car! Also, glad someone else wanted the old one!
Posted by: Trish | 21 July 2009 at 10:12 AM
When did you take pictures of my car?
Oh wait, that can't be mine...there's no Dr. Pepper explosion in the backseat. Apparently if you leave an unopened can of soda in your backseat cupholder and leave the windows rolled up in the sweltering Texas heat it will EXPLODE!
Dude. A tarantula? In your car? Talk about the heebie jeebies.
I'm so happy for you. Gotta love that new car high.
Posted by: Applesauce | 21 July 2009 at 10:26 AM
OMG. The carseat woes. How does that crap get under the carseat and then pureed into a fine blechy mess? And the back part of our van? I believe (not willing to verify until absolutely necessary) that there is a giant sucker adhered to the plastic, cemented by Coke sugars. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.
Posted by: Kristin | 21 July 2009 at 10:42 AM
oh well, just means your kids are artistic, right?! good job on getting a diffrent car, hop this one isn't cursed!;)
Posted by: Miri | 21 July 2009 at 11:03 AM
You are too funny - I remember the tarantuala post! It still scares the crap out of me. I wanted to sell my car when a similar thing happened, but my husband thought I was crazy.
By the way, just found a roach/june bug in our dirty laundry and thought of you. Seemed to small to be a roach, but too big to be a june bug. Oh, and it was alive.
Posted by: TUWABVB | 21 July 2009 at 11:32 AM
Minus the chocolate milk (and tarantula), that's pretty much what my backseat looks like. You don't know what's really back there until you remove those car seats.
Posted by: LVGurl | 21 July 2009 at 12:27 PM
Hmm, what does it say about me that the picture of the car seat did not phase me at all? Congrats on your new ride!
Posted by: Annie | 21 July 2009 at 12:30 PM
Dude, because I'm nerdy this reminds me of a John Steinbeck novel where he talks about this horrid device called the Sea Cow that's basically a boat that never works. This wouldn't be an issues, however Steinbeck was on a MARINE BIOLOGY trip, thus making a boat necessary. The Sea Cow pretty much never worked effectively and after many weeks on the sea hating it, he slapped on a new coat of paint and sold it to the next poor asshole. He should have rid the world of "the mechanical cancer" but didn't. So now you can compare yourself to John Steinbeck! And you got rid of the mechanical cancer! Win/win situation!!!
Posted by: Kara | 21 July 2009 at 12:39 PM
What did you end up getting to replace the hunk 'o junk???
Posted by: Dianne | 21 July 2009 at 01:26 PM
My car currently smells like a stinking, fetid swamp. My husband left a gallon jug of water in the back floorboard, which developed a leak at some point. The water then soured and mildewed in the heat. He came home one day to announce that it smelled 'a little musty.' Sweet Jesus, what an understatement. No matter what we've tried, the smell will not come out. It's like The Swamp Thing has been driving the damn car.
Posted by: Melissa | 21 July 2009 at 01:49 PM
it's not just kids that make messes in cars! on a road trip a few years back, my friend decided "now would be a good time" to paint her fingernails. in addition to the overwhelming gag factor of nail polish in a small enclosed space, she then proceeded to spill sparkling pink nail polish ALL over my (dark blue) emergency brake.
aside from the obvious choice of nail polish remover (i'm not QUITE that dumb...) i haven't figured out a way to get it off...
Posted by: Tai | 21 July 2009 at 03:01 PM
I almost peed myself from laughing so hard. Thanks for making my day. Enjoy your new ride!!!
Posted by: mom | 21 July 2009 at 03:22 PM
How did you manage to get in my car and then take a picture? Ahhh, the universal back seat of a parent.
Posted by: moseyalong | 21 July 2009 at 03:22 PM
One man's trash is another man's treasure, right? She could have been trading up for The Beast because her car was even worse.
Posted by: Kristabella | 21 July 2009 at 03:44 PM
My car needs a TON of work right now and I'm seriously considering just trading it in and getting something better. YOU HAVE INSPIRED ME, SHANA!
Posted by: Rhi | 21 July 2009 at 03:49 PM
Too funny! That's what my car looks like too!The seat at least. Try hand sanitizer on the crayon. I know it has gotten paint out of my carpet for some reason. Congrats on the new car!
Posted by: Tina S | 21 July 2009 at 03:51 PM
Congrats on your new ride! And thanks for the heads-up on the seat protectors. ;)
Posted by: mrsj | 21 July 2009 at 04:45 PM
You crack me up! I feel your pain, I just found a week old whole milk in my back seat roasting in the sun. BARF! But one Wo-man's trash is anothers treasure!
Posted by: Kara | 21 July 2009 at 04:57 PM
God looks away during most used car sales. Don't worry.
Posted by: Neil | 21 July 2009 at 05:08 PM
Hey it looks like the back of my car when I remove the car seat!
Posted by: Hollie | 21 July 2009 at 05:39 PM
My seventeen year old threw up chocolate donuts all over the back of my 94 Camaro (brand new at the time). You would not believe how many times that sucker had to get detailed before the smell cleared out.
And no, I didn't buy a damn protector because I'm old enough that my first kid didn't have cool shit like that. But I did quit letting him eat chocolate donuts in the back seat.
That is all.
Posted by: foundinidaho | 21 July 2009 at 06:55 PM
OMG! I've seen that hell below the car seat. I'd forgotten about it. I did daycare for 7 years and had SEVERAL car seats with hell below them. How crazy was I?
Posted by: Shelli | 21 July 2009 at 07:53 PM
Your car looks like underneath my coffee table. I'm not moving or cleaning under there until I move.
BTW, when I go to confession, I always pack a lunch for me and the priest. Since we're going to be there for a while we might as well eat. Plus a roast beef sandwich for the priest should lower the number of Hail Mary's I have to say :)
Posted by: Suze | 21 July 2009 at 08:14 PM